I was putting gel in this guy's hair and I had to reach up to do it as he is a lot taller than me. He said something about how I was creeking and at first I didn't know what he was talking about. I suddenly realized that my shoulders were popping when I would reach up. I started laughing like really hard! My shoulders pop so loud --it sounds like when people crack their knuckles but I'm not doing it on purpose. I don't even hear it anymore...how embarrassing! He walked by me later on and made a creeking noise. I'm the tin woman.

Double Rod Perms are the devil.

Wynn, Tracy, JP

Wynn, Tracy, JP
Originally uploaded by greentracylee.

Check me out...

This girl at school got a little tiny dog worth $1000 for Christmas. She brought it in for show and tell today. I was sitting in a chair in a corner, working on my worksheet, minding my own business, when she brought it in. She sat in the chair next to me and some of the girls came over and went absolutely crazy over this little dog. They were cooing at it like it was a baby. I didn't even look up from what I was doing and one of the girls noticed this and felt it necessary to point out. So I said that I wasn't an animal person. I looked at their faces and it was as if I had said I hated children and I wished that they would all die. So I kind of retracted and said I was allergic to 95 percent of them which is mostly true. I am trying to decide what is worse: people looking at you like you are a child hater or a bubble girl?

Oh readers, I'm so sorry that I haven't written in a whole week! My life is a circus and I haven't been very inspired until today...
SO I don't know what the deal is with the Christmas season. It's like work and school slow down to a comatose state. Really there is no point in anyone being there. At school they have ground into our heads that we absolutely must be to our 'theory' class on time. If we are thirty seconds late, they won't let us in and we won't get credit for it. I'm thinking, ok so theory must be a really important class and we must learn some really intense stuff in there. I've had about 4 or 5 hours of theory so far. Can you guess what these hours have consisted of? Taking role. Once we have gotten that far, we have been free to go and do whatever we want--except for one day we had to stay and watch the Grinch. I am trying to figure out if it's because it's comatose Christmas or if this is how theory is.
I had my first hair cut in school today and it was awesome. I seriously love doing this. Come in and let me cut your hair!

This lady from a mall salon came in to try and recruit us for when we are done with school. It would be like working at a high end supercuts. I have issues with this on so many levels but I won't get into it. So she wanted to demonstrate a crazy new hair cut on someone. As the volunteer sat in the chair, waiting for her to begin, we were forced to sit through her telling us all about the mistakes she has made on past haircuts. Meanwhile the volunteer began to look more and more like a deer caught in headlights. She had candy and was passing it out if we asked questions but no one was really asking anything. You want to to know why? No one wants to know anything more about working in a cheap place where you can't make any money!!! The haircut she ended up doing was super cute but it was just an a line bob. I was afraid because this was the crazy new hair cut she had to show us. What does she normally do? How was this at all inventive? We just learned how to do it during cutting week!

Ok so I'm not a playa, I just crush a lot...
I have a new crush. He looks like someone I had a mad crush on in the fifth grade. I ordered some books from one of those book club catalogs just so that I could get the complimentary magazine all about him (included poster for my wall). I would carry around the magazine all of the time. I kept it folded in half and stowed away in my back pocket of my jeans. I was so cool. Ok so anyway, we have guest speakers in school and I saw this guy walking around and I looked at him and he looked at me and neither of us looked away. I was thinking what are you doing here? I've never seen you before! He was probably thinking, why are you staring at me? Do we know each other? Either that or who is that girl? She is hot! just kidding, just kidding. I went into the classroom and he was up there talking away about who knows what. I was so distracted by his cute hair and the fact that a guy in the class pointed out that he had cute chops, then sheepishly added that he was blushing. Oh you gay boys are so silly when you hit on straight men. After staring at him for a while I suddenly realized how much he reminded me of the man in the magazine in my back pocket in fifth grade. He had the same hair color, same eyes, same facial features, and even same height! Michael J Fox! It's you! Your parkinson's disease is gone and you are divorced, do hair, and you're teaching at my school! This is truly amazing.

Today my sister came into the salon with me as a floor model for my final. I did fake tints, bleaches, weaves, perm, and blow dryed and curled her hair. It was fun to have her there because she kept an eye on the mentor. She said he was staring at me, watching me walk her to the shampoo bowl. Then he sat ever so strategically across from us and talked to this other girl but didn't seem to really be listening to what she was saying because he was watching me out of the corner of his eye. I am not exagerating on this--I swear! My sister is my witness! He even started to say something to me but was interrupted and then there wasn't another chance to talk. Things are happening! ha ha

We all gave each other pedicures on Friday. Naturally anytime your shoes and socks come off, the conversation magically turns into bathroom talk--no wait that's not when your shoes and socks come off, that's when my family sits down at the dinner table. So I can't explain why this came up. The topic was: which is worse? Would you rather have someone burp in your face or fart in your face? Majority rule was burp in your face but there were actually some that would rather have someone fart in their face. Someone on the burp side felt the need to point out just what a fart is: air coming out of your butthole. I would much rather have the vomit smell than the poo smell coming at me but that is just me. Where do you stand? You're not allowed to say neither....

I hope my eyebrows will recover....
I let a girl wax them for practice today. They didn't need much--just a little clean up. When I layed down in the chair and I felt the hot wax on my face I thought, huh that feels like it's in the wrong place. Sure enough when I looked in the mirror, my eyebrows had changed. What was funny is that they looked almost identical to the waxer(person waxing me). It's not that they look all that bad--just different and not like I would like them to be. Good thing I have bangs and that eyebrows grow back!

Oh my gosh why in the world do I have this stupid mentor crush??? It's so embarrassing: I blush so bad that I look like a tomato when I talk to him. It makes me avoid talking to him which is really not helping me here.
This girl was talking about some dude she met who worked in an emergency room. She said that he had a bunch of tattoos and earings which is something she is really attracted to. When she found out that he was a doctor, she said- and I quote, "I had to change my panties right then." What? Why? Why? Why? Stop torturing me with your vile attempts at being funny!

Today I met THE MAN--the one who started it all. He came in to our school today and we all took pictures with him. He was really very nice and fun and I actually had a thirty second conversation with him. He hasn't come to the school in five years so this was a rare opportunity to meet him. I will post a picture as soon as I can...

Dear Mentor,
On Friday you came into our class for haircutting, to get a refresher course on barbering. Let's be honest here, mentor. You were coming in to see me. I know it. You have a secret crush on me. This would explain the nervous glances and awkward behavior around me and the fact that you keep showing up in our class when you're not supposed to be there. Today you were there again, making eyes at me whenever possible. It's so cute. You are so cute with your little black faux hawk that makes you look almost like Lyle Lovet--who I don't find remotely attractive by the way. Somehow you are the hot version of Lyle. The version that Julia Roberts saw and no one else did. One of the girls made it a goal today to kiss every straight guy in the school. She also made a bet with someone last year that she would be dating Ashton Kutcher by this April so let's not hold our breath on her coming within a foot of you. You will be mine, oh yes, you will be mine.

More haircutting because as I said before, it's haircutting week and since the week isn't over yet: haircuts, haircuts, haircuts! It was hard today but my instructors said that I was doing well. Maybe they would have said that no matter how crappy my haircuts were. I'll never know. I feel pretty good about myself though in the meantime. I want to learn how to cut my own hair. I could get my hair cut for free at the school but I am scared to do that. There are so many girls that really shouldn't be in this business no matter how much training they get.

Today was fun-two more haircuts. There is a guy in my class that may or may not be gay. I have been trying to figure it out since I met him because it could honestly be either or. Today he was telling me that he gets the same songs stuck in his head all of the time. Like one song he always gets stuck in his head is Somewhere Over the Rainbow...All I could think about was Clueless when Dionne's boyfriend Murray is teaching her how to drive and Cher is in the back seat talking about Christian. He says, "Yo, look. Are you bitches blind or something? Your man, Christian is a cake-boy! He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streissand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying?"
Anyway, I think he is my favorite person in the class. He is really really nice and funny to talk to. He makes fun of people under his breath so it's way entertaining to be close enough to hear what he's saying.
I'm crushing hard on one of our mentors. He's so hot but way too sparkley eyed. It's such a shame. I can't even look at him without blushing!

We did two haircuts on our dollheads today and that is all we did. Two haircuts took ALL DAY. We started at 930, had an hour lunch and left at 430. It honestly took some girls ten to fifteen minutes just to part the hair on their dolls. I could tell my instructor wanted to cry or go insane. It could have easily gone either way. I wonder what she would have done had she gone insane. Maybe she would have walked by with a pair of scizzors and accidently taken chunks out of our hair? That makes me think of Edward Scizzorhands. I should watch that movie for inspiration.

I listened to Motley Crue, Dr Feelgood album on the way home from school today. It was beautiful. It's haircutting week. We had to blow up a balloon and put shaving cream on it. From there we were to pull out our razors and shave the balloon. This girl hadn't even started with the razor and her balloon popped--shaving cream burst out into the air and came down like snow. It was a scary task from then on out. Noone wanted to repeat that as the shaving cream proved to be quite the mess to clean up. I was kinda wishing that we would have used whipped cream instead. Whipped cream has such a kinkyness to it no matter what the situation. Just imagine that it was whipped cream falling down like snow--what would have happened? Although, it's all girls in the class so that kind of ruins the imagery for me--maybe not for the boy minds though.

Curse the day when Death Cab is purposely changed out for Natalie Fertado. We listen to music everyday when we are working on stuff. I was eternally grateful when someone put in Death Cab a few days ago. We listened to it that one blessed time and the rest of the time, besides a brief Bloc Party set, I think we've listened to every 'jock jam' out there. I don't want to be a music snob or anything so I never say anything. I put up with listening to the Maquerana and I'm too sexy over and over. However, I just about lost it today when this girl stopped Death Cab. I said I vote that we keep it on! No one backed me up and I was sad. She said, well we've been listening to this for three days and I can't handle it. I ran across the room and yanked off one of her five inch chunky platforms from 1998 and bitch slapped her with it. Ok not really but I wish I would have.

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK:
Today and yesterday we permed dollheads.....well at least we put their hair in rollers for a perm. I find myself concentrating on rolling and just listening to all of the conversations around me. My gay male instructor decided to spill his guts about his love life to the assistant in class today. Fortunately, I was right there! So I got to hear all about a bald dude with bad teeth and a whole lot of money. He went on about how he wasn't into this guy but because the guy had flown in to see him and had bought him dinner and drinks, he felt like he needed to put out. So he made out with him in the hotel room but that was it. THEN the next time the guy came into town, my instructor was kind of avoiding his calls but finally called him back and hung out with him. THIS time, they ended up in the hotel room AGAIN and the dude stradled him and tryed to get it on. Finally, my instructor came to his senses and said uh I gotta go. I'm learning so much in hair school!

So we all have numbers associated with our names at school--like Kelly-42 or Michelle-83. There is a girl that got the number 69. So 69 cut and colored this girl's hair that is my class. She was talking about how she was teasing 69 about her number and a girl (who is only 17 years old) nearby said, 'What does that mean? I don't understand why everyone jokes around about that number.' How do you delicately explain what a 69 is? We somehow got out of it. I hope she asks her mom after school. ha ha.

Another day of school. I love it! We learned how to do weaves today and it's really awkward to work with foils at first. I had to partner up with someone and work on the same doll head with them. It was kind of funny to watch my partner weave. She wasn't really trying to do it like the instructor showed us. So it just wasn't working at all. I think maybe she just didn't get it? I don't know. The instructor told us about 100 times to weave at the scalp but she kept weaving a couple of inches out. It makes a big difference. Maybe she needed to hear it 101 times. If I would have heard it one more time, I might have started weaving under the scalp! My dollhead would have been bleeding plastic.
Yeah so that was my day, weaving a dollhead with conditioner (instead of color-for practice). As lame as that sounds, I totally loved it.

Our classroom is right off from the main hallway. The instructors have been warning us that we are going to hear way more than we would like to about people's lives as they chit chat down the hallway. So today this is what we heard REALLY LOUD:
"oh megan your ass smells soooo good!"

Sometimes we do things in class that make me feel like I'm in kindergarden. The way we learn is sometimes very elementary so it almost makes me feel like I'm dumber for having sat in class. Like we started to learn about color this week and so we played with playdough--mixed the primary colors to make secondary ones, etc. I guess having learned all about color with fashion design makes it seem elementary to me. I don't know--you tell me. Did you know that if you mix yellow and blue, you get green? Ok but be honest, did you know that without the ziplock commercials? Color is the most complicated part of this whole thing in my opinion. Everyone views color differently and when a client wants you to lift their hair two levels of color but have it be warm and not cool, who knows if what you are thinking is what they are thinking? It's going to be very tricky. I hope that we start learning soon with something a little bit more advanced that playdough.

So keeping with the black theme of yesterday's post, I wore an afro to school today. We had a disco day and I have this beautiful gigantic brown afro. I really looked like a black girl with white skin. I promise. Ask my sister. This lady came up to me and stared at me for an uncomfortable amount of time and then she started to kind of pull the wig up in the front--she was checking to make sure it was indeed a wig. Then she commented that some of the girls had permed their hair into pube size curls the day before the event. So she was checking to see if I had permed my hair too. Apparently my wig must have looked like a gigantic ball of you know whats. What is it with this school and pubes? I'm sick of hearing about them already! Ew!

Have I mentioned that I don't like 19 year olds? Ok that is not entirely true. I remember being 19 and being totally stoked that highschool was behind me. Highschool was lame--clicky, snotty, annoying people all around me 5 days a week. In college, everyone was so nice--they smiled and even said hi to you in passing even if they didn't know you. This was how it was in the real world as well--every job I've had, everyone was super nice and friendly. Well, apparently not everyone in beauty school got the smile and/or be nice memo. There are a lot of people crammed into a small area so you pass the same people all of the time. There is never any eye contact or smiling. I just want to run out in the middle of the floor and yell, GET OVER YOURSELF. They treat the new students like mutants. I am a mutant. They are all going to be sorry when they see that I kick trash at this hair thing.
Never in a million years did I picture myself listening to rap and doing cornrows. Ok I have but I was sitting on a porch with snoop dog sipping gin and juice. Well that is what I did today--minus the porch, snoop, and gin. I felt like a black person and it was really cool. We also did fingerwaves and pincurls which were a total bad word. It looks so much easier than it really is. I'm glad I live in a day where fingerwaves aren't necessary--oh except I need to know how to do them in order to pass the state board. I have to know how to do a hairstyle that expired 60 years ago. That makes total sense, right? They might as well have us curl hair with rods that are heated up in a stove. Why let that die?

I'm 29 and I started beauty school yesterday. According to the average age of my class, I'm about ten years late on this. I'm the same age as my instructors. I'm excited to be there though. I feel like I should have started a long time ago.
So I'm in Provo and let's face it, it's a naive place. Most people are sheltered mormons--not that there is anything wrong with that!- and don't really get the real world yet especially at age 19. One of the instructors is CLEARLY gay. He is so much like Carson from queer eye for the straight guy, that it's uncanny. So there is a girl that is quite obnoxious in my class. It's embarrassing. I duck my head just about everytime she opens her mouth because I just can't take the idiot shivers. I find her flirting with the gay instructor constantly. I wondered all day, is she really that dumb? Does she really not know that he is gay? (My brother-in-law just informed me that some girls just flirt with every dude, gay or straight. I like to think that she is just dumb though. It's funnier that way.)
Moving on, today we talked about the different kinds of hair on our body. Our female instructor asked us what kinds of long hair we have on our body. Answers were the hair on our head and armpit hair. Then she asked what short bristly hair we have on our body. The class was silent for about 30 seconds and then the obnoxious one blurted out, Pubes? There was a long pause and then a loud roar of laughter from the instructors. They said uh actually, that's not on the list but eyebrows and eyelashes are. Pubes, eyebrows, eyelashes--same thing, right?