Will someone please just let me shave lines on their head? I'm about to do it on myself just so everyone can see how cool it is. I was trying to convince one of my learning leaders today that he should let me shave lines on his head. I mean, he already has the perfect mohawk! The lines will add so much to it! He wasn't convinced and he was laughing and I buckled over in laughter just as someone was opening a drawer and I hit my head which made us all laugh even harder. Between that and the nasty pole dancing in the middle of the hair cutting floor, it was a good day.

Well, you just never know about people and what they do in their spare time. I was pretty thrown off today when I learned about my new gay friend's extra curricular activities. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined it but it turns out, I am in love with the fact that I go to school with a gay male synchronized swimmer. He is a member of QUAC: Queer Utah Aquatic Club. This guy is so out of the closet that he is completely outside the house. He embodies the Jack of Will and Grace or the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy hosts. It's like they are gay but they aren't hiding it to any degree and they aren't afraid to joke around about it. There is a complete security in their sexual orientation and no matter how many times they are called a homo or a fag, they don't care. They will agree with you wholeheartedly! I find it fascinating and I can't wait to see my friend gracefully swimming to Michael Jackson in his designer synchronized swimming suit.

They keep telling us at that as a hairstylist, we will hear it all. We even had a professional counselor come in and talk to us about how to deal with this. A stylist's chair has the same powers as a couch in a psychologist's office; once a person sits in it, they will unleash all of their deepest innermost secrets. I have to admit that I have experienced this a couple of times but I had no idea how it could work to my advantage until today. I have been hanging out with this dude and no one knows about it. Someone that knows him and a girl that he recently dated, sat in my magical chair today. It's amazing how much you can find out when you play dumb. I am Satan.

The other day we had a guest from the corporate office. It was supposed to be a class about color which is weird because she isn't a licensed hairdresser. She ended up talking about a seriously intense issue. Ok well it wasn't at all serious or intense to me, it was totally wierd. Apparently professional hair products are only sold in salons and if you see them in other places like a grocery store or walmart or whatever, it's a counterfeit product. Part of her job is to stop the selling of these products in non salon retail stores. The thing that's so funny is that it's not so much that the shampoo may be counterfeit because a lot of times, it's not. The thing is that these places like Target and Walgreens, are more times than not, buying the products from salon retailers. The salon retailer sells it to them at just above cost so that they make a small profit. So why don't they sell directly to Target and the like? Because they want stylists to educate their clients on the right product to buy and make the profit. So this lady was standing up there talking about all of this, swearing, rolling her eyes. I've never seen anyone more pissed off about shampoo. It was brilliant.

The other day we had a guest from the corporate office. It was supposed to be a class about color which is weird because she isn't a licensed hairdresser. She ended up talking about a seriously intense issue. Ok well it wasn't at all serious or intense to me, it was totally wierd. Apparently professional hair products are only sold in salons and if you see them in other places like a grocery store or walmart or whatever, it's a counterfeit product. Part of her job is to stop the selling of these products in non salon retail stores. The thing that's so funny is that it's not so much that the shampoo may be counterfeit because a lot of times, it's not. The thing is that these places like Target and Walgreens, are more times than not, buying the products from salon retailers. The salon retailer sells it to them at just above cost so that they make a small profit. So why don't they sell directly to Target and the like? Because they want stylists to educate their clients on the right product to buy and make the profit. So this lady was standing up there talking about all of this, swearing, rolling her eyes. I've never seen anyone more pissed off about shampoo. It was brilliant.

Ok so yesterday was fantastic. It was a dream or something out of a movie. We found out that our favorite hot teacher was teaching our afternoon class. Over lunch the girls were all commenting that they hoped he would teach us something cool that day. I said, "I just hope that he makes out with me." They were all silent and staring at me like they had never heard me profess my love for him before. So I sheepishly said "Uh...did I just say that out loud?"
In class we split up in to groups with a dollhead and scizzors. We were to come up with something that inspires us and then create a haircut according to it. So the teacher--MJF--cruised around the room to observe our progress. I was cutting the dollhead's hair when he came over to our group. He walked up behind me and watched for minute. Then he got behind me oh so very close and put his left hand on my back and right hand on my arm and adjusted my cutting position. It was so erotic. Just kidding. It was right out of a movie though--like he was Patrick Swayze and I was Demi Moore and we were going to start making out any second. Only instead of clay, hair clippings. Ew. I hope he doesn't die and come back to me in Whoopi Goldberg.

My friend has super super fine hair and she decided to bleach it from the red that we had just put in it two weeks previous, to a platinum blond. I deep conditioned it and when we were all finished I felt it and it felt like mush--the kind of mush that we've been learning about in classes. It means that your hair is toast. So in order to restore it to something, our instructor went and found something special to put in it. When he brought out the bottles, I jokingly asked if it was V05 hot oil. He looked at me as if I had swore at him. It was funny. It was actually protein. I know what you are thinking and no we didn't rub ground beef all over her head. Although that is what we were pretending to do and so we were giggling the whole time we were at the shampoo bowl. So the stuff kind of worked. Her hair felt 150% better but unfortunately it still wasn't enough. The damage was so extensive that when we blow dryed it out, the ends of her hair were falling off! So the moral of the story is, kids, use bleach with care.

Suspensions. You would think that once you were out of highschool, the fear of suspension would be dead and gone. Somehow this institution of hair has managed to keep it all very much alive. There is a large binder that they keep with a suspension history card for each student inside. Anytime you break a rule and get caught, your time card is pulled so you can't clock in for hours and you have to see a teacher to get it back. The teacher pulls out this binder and reviews your suspension history and then decides whether or not to suspend you or give you a warning for the offense. Someone stole the binder so no one has been suspended for the last couple of weeks thus resulting--how can I describe it?--maybe in backorders of suspensions? Apparently the suspension book had been recovered or recreated so today nearly half of the school had their time cards pulled. There was a line of students that wrapped around the building. I had to wait for an hour and a half--turns out I was ten minutes late on a Saturday. They would have had no idea had I not called in but silly responsible me called in to say I was late and I was punished for it. Sweet huh. I wish I could go through all of the ridiculous reasons that you can get suspended but that would take all day. My favorite one was: Curling another students hair. What??? Aren't we in hair school? Shouldn't we be practicing? I guess I understand why we are forced to assist when we leave school. We aren't allowed to actually do hair until we leave school.

So this guy from Scotland came in the other day to get a haircut. He was seriously soooo cool. We talked all about Scottish people and Europe. It was fun. He is married so its not like our relationship can go beyond client status but he made it sound like he is a pretty good representation of the Scottish people so I decided that I want to move to Scotland. What do I have to lose? They have fantastic accents, funny sense of humor, good taste in fashion, and they are genuinely nice and friendly. My favorite thing that he told me about was how people don't date a lot of people at the same time. If I guy was to go out on dates with more that one girl in a week, he would be considered a player! ha ha. Imagine if BYU was in Scotland!