This girl is driving me nuts. She is the type of person that sounds nervous all of the time but she talks incessantly about nothing. Let me give you a prime example:
Me: "I asked someone how to do this haircut the other day"
Her: "Hahaha-you're all asking people how to cut hair--hahaha"
Me: "Yeah so I decided to diagram it so I could remember how to do it but I forgot my markers"
Her: "Hahaha--you're all trying to diagram without markers--hahaha"
Me: "So I looked through some magazines to find a picture of what I wanted to do"
Her: "Hahaha--you're all looking through magazines--hahaha"
What? Seriously why did you just repeat what I said like you made it in to a funny joke? It's seriously like hanging out with Rob Sneider on SNL and we're in the copy room. Conversations aren't funny when she's around because she repeats the jokes in her own language and I just want to look at her and say "Uh yeah I just said that."
I can usually deal with it but we don't have class this week so she is constantly around causing me grief. I feel bad because I am totally snubbing her and I think I would be totally nice to her if I didn't have to be around her 35 hours/ week. Seriously, what do I do?

When I got to school this morning there was a man waiting for a haircut in the front. He had long curly hair that was brushed out into a big fluffy rocker mullet main. It went perfectly with the studded belt, hard rock cafe t shirt, leather jacket, and sunglasses. He had a bunch of pictures with him. I wanted to be the one to do his hair but my sister in law was coming in so I knew that I was only going to get to watch. I knew that whatever he wanted was going to be good but I had no idea how good. The pictures he brought were all of Rod Stewart. Yeah, that's right....Rod Stewart. He's an impersonator in Las Vegas and he is going to be Rod for his next gig or something. Unfortunately there was no way he was going to get those lovely bleach Rod streaks in one day as his hair was very dark to begin with. So the final product won't be ready until he comes back for more bleaching on Monday. I can't wait!

There are only so many work stations at school and Saturdays are the only day where you might find all of those work stations being used but even then, you can usually find one open. They only schedule so many clients. Everyone usually tries to 'claim' a station once they get to school so that they will be ready for a client. However, it is common curtesy to give up your station if you don't have a client and someone else does. There is a student that has been on the floor maybe one or two weeks and apparently hasn't learned how things work. She came in to school twenty minutes early so that she could claim a specific station for a client that was coming at 1130am. Keep in mind that this is two hours into the day. Someone could have used that station for two clients and been out of her way by then. She left her stuff in the station drawer and on top and left for a break at about 10am. When she came back, someone had gotten a client and started working on her at this station. She completely freaked out. It was so funny. I wanted to ask her if she had OCD or something. Some of us were like, ok your client isn't coming for an hour and you can find another station by then you freak. Then some others were siding with her and telling her to go kick the other girl's A out of the station. The best was when one girl said to her, "I think you're acting really immature about this." I just about fell under the table laughing but I had to hold back. Oh how I love stupid 17 year olds.

What would you do if you were cutting someone's hair and someone walked up behind you and started puking all over the floor? That was the thrill of my Saturday: chunky orange and white puke at my feet. Nasty huh. Normally when put in that situation, I would start puking too but somehow I held it together, moved my client over to another station, and finished the haircut. The rest of the afternoon I felt shaky and sick from the sick smell that I got only a tiny wiff of. Why is it that throw up smells soooo nasty?

Ahhhh how I love MJF Thursdays. I am always sure to be on time to class and in the front row when he is teaching. Apparently there are several girls at the school with the same crush as myself. A few of us were discussing it before class and one of them said that she thought he looked like a hobbit. This sent me into uncontrollable fits of laughter and everytime I looked at MJF I had to bury my head in my hands. When he started talking about his love for Neil Diamond I didn't know what I was going to do. All I could picture was a chorus line of MJF's singing "We're coming to America!" in an elfin voice--you know the one where it sounds like you are fast forwarding?

When we go on breaks we usually walk across the street to a gas station and buy treats or get a drink or something. There is a crosswalk with bright orange flags at both ends to carry with you as you cross the street so that drivers are more aware of the peds. Most of the time walking all the way to the crosswalk is cumbersome so we do it like frogger or a mexican and make a run for it. Today however a girl went to the crosswalk and even pulled out a flag to cross the street. The irony of this is she was hit by a car and flew 50 feet. She broke both of her legs, a hip, her arm, and has a huge gash under her eye. She is five months pregnant and miraculously the baby is fine and in tact. What I want to know is what moron is out there driving and can't see a gigantic bright orange flag attached to a person in the middle of the street? What do you think it's like to be them? Do you think they can see street lights and other cars on the road? I have to wonder, are there people out there that just get in the car and push on the gas and hope that they get to their destination? Is there a secret day at the DMV where they just pass out licenses like free candy? Maybe there is a stack on table in some tucked away corner that says Take One above it. Why am I taking a test if I have that option?

A couple more things to add about Saturday. I cut my finger twice with the scizzors. Once so bad that I had to stop and find an instructor to get me a bandaid. To top off the day, this lady asked me if people tell me I look like 'someone'. Someone meaning someone famous. So I said yeah and named a few people. She said oh and didn't say anything else so I asked her who she thought I looked like. She said that she couldn't remember her name but she has a talk show. So I asked her, Ellen Degeneres? Yeah that's the one. Ok let's talk about this, people. I think Ellen is an attractive person but she dresses so masculine that to me she looks masculine. So in short, she basically told me that I look like a lesbian.

So we have substitutes right now because all of the instructors are in Mexico. You know how substitutes in school always suck? Well the same holds true in hair school. I was doing a hair cut on this little kid today and I had to have someone check it off before I could let him go. She was going through the cut and she totally shaved a hole the size of a nickel in the back of his head. The mom was ticked and I had to do the entire haircut over again to blend this hole in with the rest of the hair. This poor little kid had to sit in my chair for like an hour and a half. Dumb substitutes.

Today I walked up to the receptionist and said, "Hey my sister wants to get her eyebrows waxed so I'm just going to do it really quick before I cut this other girls hair." She glared at me and said, "Well you didn't ask nicely so I don't think so. You also have a request for a service right now." I looked at her completely puzzled and shocked. Shocked that she would say something so rude and puzzled because I had a request I didn't know about. So I said, "Did my request call and change her appointment because she isn't supposed to come in until 1pm." She replied in the same nasty tone, "Well contrary to popular belief, I am not here all of the time so I don't know. " She then added a very insincere "Sorry". Needless to say, I walked away pretty upset. Many bad words came to mind and may have even come out of my mouth. I decided that this was the last time that I was going to let her get away with this so I ratted on her to her supervisor. It felt really good to know that she was going to get her back section nailed to the wall by her boss later that day and I was going to get a full fledged apology. Later that day I got a note with an apology and some candy. ha ha.

J(19 years old): "Hey if anyone wants me to come in on a Monday for them, let me know. I really need hours!"

Me: "Why do you need hours?"

J: "I'm a slacker. I haven't been coming to school and I need to get my hours! If I don't get my act together, I won't be done with school until I'm 30!"

Me: "Hey! There's nothing wrong with that!"

Break Room Conversations:
"What? Your birthday is when? Oh so that makes you a Virgo! I'm a Pisces. Pisces and Virgos don't get along. You know, it would be interesting for us to sit down and have a conversation to see whether or not we get along. Pisces and Aquarius hate each other but my husband, well, he is an aquarius and we are married!"

My friend came in for a cut and color on Saturday. The learning leader came over and asked how old she was. I was thinking, Why is he asking her this? I know he's not hitting on her because he plays for the other team! She told him and he said OH! Well this will be flattering for you then! You have to be at least 18 to get your hair colored and so I was checking to make sure you were old enough! Luckily she is old enough--27--so I was able to color her hair and it turned out beautiful. Then there was the haircut. I can safely say that I've never really messed up on anyone's hair except for my brother's. He was my first haircut. He had a bowl cut--mind you this was like 1992. I started to cut off the long layer of hair on the top of his head and somehow I just cut it too much. Long story short, we had to shave it. So back to my friend: I cut the top layer of her hair too short and we had to shave her head. Just kidding...about the shaving part. It was rather nerve racking. My friend was sitting there, trusting that I would do a good job and I was screwing up. I think this is the first time I thought I need to find someone to fix this! But I stuck it out and I somehow managed to blend it into something and she looked hot in the end! Ya for me...

I cut and colored my cousin's hair today. It was quite fantastic and I will have to post pictures of her on here very soon. We are doing a photo shoot in a week and she is going to be my model. Her hair color turned out so pretty and the cut was very unique. I love that she let me do something different on her. Gotta love and appreciate the trust there!

MJF,
You are too sexy. I can't handle it and neither can my friend that should remain unnamed. When you cut hair, you look in the mirror at your creation with this look that makes us want to tackle you. You aren't normally on the floor with us but you were today. So my friend who should remain unnamed and I set up our station in your section. She wanted a scalp treatment so we called you over to sign the ticket so we could start. You looked at me in the eyes and smiled with this smile that said how you doin? --you were about a foot away from me which made it all the more affective or effective(?). It was heartstopping. I think I almost blushed.

Mentor,
You are totally killing me. A girl transfered from night to day school and you were on her like cheese on macaroni. Today you somehow conned her into giving you a stress relieving massage that lasted for what seemed like hours and also looked to be more than stress relieving. It seems that we are all on to your sparkly eyed nature except for this poor new girl.

Weird Girl,
I watched you cut that guy's hair today. It took an unnaturally long amount of time. I think that you must have gone over his head, scizzor over comb, at least 100 times--especially that back left side. You stuck around there for quite a while. I think my favorite part was when you stopped and put your arm up so you were leaning on his shoulder. You made eyes at each other in the mirror, smiling and laughing. The poor guy was either being really nice or had no idea that you are only 17.

Have you ever seen a homeless man dance and sing to the Jackson 5, ABC, playing outside of a gym? Well I did today and words cannot express how funny it was.
So by the way, I'm totally done with the mentor. Michael J Fox is way hotter and so funny. I am not talking about the actual Michael J Fox. I'm talking about an instructor that looks like him. He comes to the school and teaches a haircutting class once a month. I first wrote about him on December 13, 2005. He pulled up outside of the school in his new lexus wearing some hot sunglasses, window down and arm hanging out, fingers holding a cigarette. I've never been attracted to someone smoking---usually it totally turns me off--- but in this case, it was the opposite--kinda like the movie Thankyou For Smoking--http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0427944/ .
It explores ways to make cigarette smoking more attractive to people.
I am starting to wonder about my obsession with short men named David that come and teach classes on Thursdays. David Rich used to come and teach a class at my last place of employment on Thursdays. I have no idea why but I had the biggest crush on him. It was to the point that I could barely say hi to him even though I knew him and he knew me and we had had several long conversations in the past. Everyone knew that I had this crush and they would all stare at me to see what I was going to do when he came around. This is why I am not going to tell people about my crushes anymore...

Today was officially white trash day. It all started when a fellow student complained about having to go check herself into prison. She had a DUI last summer and had to do 48 hours of community service or go to jail for three days. Since she hasn't done the community service and time is up, she is going to check herself in this weekend while her parents are out of town. So then the stories about prison and lesbians started flying around like...flies?
Yeah so that topped the morning off. Then in the afternoon we watched an instructor give a student a mullet. We had to take notes like this was going to be a haircut we would be doing on a lot of people. Who knows, maybe it will be helpful...especially for those who may be spending some time in prison.

I hate being called hun or sweetie by girls. I don't care if a grandma does it but when a person my age does it, it makes my blood boil. It makes me want to squeeze lemon juice into their eyes...or something. I think it's so incredibly demeaning. I'm not a child! Stop treating me like I'm five! So now that the front desk girl is a part of my life, I have to fight the urge to find citrus whenever I have an encounter. She looooves the sweetie and hun thing and is constantly using them when informing me on school policies. How can anyone use those words and not mean it in a belittling way? It's like she thinks I'm retarded! Either that or she thinks we're in a diner and she's a 48 year old waitress that chews a lot of gum.

I really don't know why this was funny to me but it was: This guy came walking by in his big snow boots and kicked the girl sitting next to me on accident. Now imagine the most feminine male voice or, if it helps, imagine Jack from Will and Grace but speaking very slowly and articulately:
'Oh my gosh! I just kicked you--that hurt! I'm sssoooo sorry! I am wearing my big snow boots. You can kick me in the nuts if you want to.'

I have a manequin dollhead that I practice perms, shampoo sets, weaves, etc on. I totally had a dream last night that there were hundreds of dollheads falling from the sky outside my window. I remember thinking it was a beautiful site--the heads floated softly down like snow against a blue sunny sky. If I would have had that dream a few months ago, it would have been very different. The dollheads used to totally freak me out kind of like how clowns do. I guess I'm used to them now because instead of screaming with terror, I scrambled to find my camera to run outside and take a picture.

You know those one guys that are gay and it's totally obvious that they are gay? It's like you are more surprised if they say they like girls. Yeah those ones....keep that in mind. We had to write down all of the questions we would ask if we were going to be taken on a boat to an island. We didn't know when we were going, why, what and who was on the island. So we began to share the questions we had come up with:
"When is the boat going to pick us up?"
"Will I have a bed when I get there?"
"How long will I be staying?"
Then one of the gay men in the class decided to speak up:
"Will there be an escort service and how much will it cost--oh and that is for a male escort." "Will there be a gay spa not a day spa but a gay spa?"
Yeah we heard gay and was it really necessary to say you want a male escort? You strut around shaking your hips when you walk and sit ever so daintily in your chair, legs ever so gently crossed. Whenever you comment in class, you sound more like a woman than anyone in there. Do you really think at this point that we are confused at what you want? We know you like boys--we all like boys. What if I ran around talking about how I have blond hair all of the time? Can we just get past stating the obvious from here on out? Even our gay instructor wanted to roll his eyes when you were talking but refrained because of your emotional instability--which is another story...
By the way, I saw two guys flirting with each other in the hall today. I have seen guys kiss, hold hands, etc but never flirt. It was weird and unnatural...more than the kissing even.