I really don't know why this was funny to me but it was: This guy came walking by in his big snow boots and kicked the girl sitting next to me on accident. Now imagine the most feminine male voice or, if it helps, imagine Jack from Will and Grace but speaking very slowly and articulately:
'Oh my gosh! I just kicked you--that hurt! I'm sssoooo sorry! I am wearing my big snow boots. You can kick me in the nuts if you want to.'

I have a manequin dollhead that I practice perms, shampoo sets, weaves, etc on. I totally had a dream last night that there were hundreds of dollheads falling from the sky outside my window. I remember thinking it was a beautiful site--the heads floated softly down like snow against a blue sunny sky. If I would have had that dream a few months ago, it would have been very different. The dollheads used to totally freak me out kind of like how clowns do. I guess I'm used to them now because instead of screaming with terror, I scrambled to find my camera to run outside and take a picture.

You know those one guys that are gay and it's totally obvious that they are gay? It's like you are more surprised if they say they like girls. Yeah those ones....keep that in mind. We had to write down all of the questions we would ask if we were going to be taken on a boat to an island. We didn't know when we were going, why, what and who was on the island. So we began to share the questions we had come up with:
"When is the boat going to pick us up?"
"Will I have a bed when I get there?"
"How long will I be staying?"
Then one of the gay men in the class decided to speak up:
"Will there be an escort service and how much will it cost--oh and that is for a male escort." "Will there be a gay spa not a day spa but a gay spa?"
Yeah we heard gay and was it really necessary to say you want a male escort? You strut around shaking your hips when you walk and sit ever so daintily in your chair, legs ever so gently crossed. Whenever you comment in class, you sound more like a woman than anyone in there. Do you really think at this point that we are confused at what you want? We know you like boys--we all like boys. What if I ran around talking about how I have blond hair all of the time? Can we just get past stating the obvious from here on out? Even our gay instructor wanted to roll his eyes when you were talking but refrained because of your emotional instability--which is another story...
By the way, I saw two guys flirting with each other in the hall today. I have seen guys kiss, hold hands, etc but never flirt. It was weird and unnatural...more than the kissing even.

Sometimes I feel like beauty school is the place where burn outs end up to try and make something of themselves. If I have to hear about one more tattoo or piercing or how drunk or high someone got one more time, I'm going to to scream. I had to leave the room today because I couldn't deal with all of the post teen angst conversations going around me.
Dear Students,
Stop doing things to piss off your parents. I am done listening to you brag to your friends about the fights over the recent nose ring and tattoo on your forearm. We all get that you are recently independent but there really is no need to do anything further to prove this. Go away and live a responsible life and your parents will leave you alone. I realize that this might take the excitement out of your topics of conversation. Maybe if you did something meaningful with your time and money you would find something more interesting to talk about? Just a suggestion that will make all of our lives better.

Michael J Fox was there again today teaching us how to do haircuts. I'm crushing hard-- He is cute and funny. Whoa baby. We were talking about salons in the area--one of which MJF has worked at. He hadn't been there in a while and one of the students had so the student gave him an update. He described it like this- and this is a direct quote, "It's like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory gone gay". Doesn't that just make your imagination go wild? A gay Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Brilliant.

There is a girl that sounds like Fran Drescher when she talks and I am about to shoot her in the head the next time she opens her mouth. It is honestly the most annoyingly loud nasal voice I've ever heard. Then there is the guy that she is always talking to who just sits and giggles and sounds like a total idiot. Ok I'm done complaining!
Today at lunch I was sitting with some girls, most of who are not mormon or very inactive. They started in a little bit on mormons they don't like and were talking a little about crazy fictional stories about Joseph Smith. I just kind of sat there and tried to slip in comments about how not everyone is like that and I'd never heard that, etc. After lunch, one of the girls pulled me aside. Her family is active in the church but she is not. She apologized for the conversation topic and hoped that I wasn't offended. I thanked her for the apology and explained that I was ok and it wasn't a big deal. My respect for this girl continually gets higher the more I get to know her. Never have I known someone like her. Most people that I have known that don't believe in the gospel anymore, tend to be extremely rude and badmouthing of the church. They have total disregard for any of the beliefs and are in turn very disrespectful to someone like me who holds those beliefs sacred. She refrains from so much out of respect for me. I'm just so impressed!
It is surprising to me that there are so many nonmembers and inactive members that go to this school. It is literally like walking into another dimension when I walk into school each day. I had no idea that it would be this way being in Utah and being so close to byu. Religion is a touchy subject there and so it's odd to not feel comfortable in bringing it up. Even in all of the places I worked before this around nonmembers, this is definitely where I've felt the most like I was walking on eggshells in that regard. I suppose it's a learning experience for me.

Dear Mentor,
It seems you found me on myspace. You came up to me today and went on about how you liked my picture and how you and your friends laughed really hard. You also announced my age which is ok because all that heard were in shock and went on about how good I look for my age. Let's back up though for one second. How did you 'happen' upon my page? We don't have any mutual friends that I know of. As far as I can tell, you would have had to go in and physically type in my name and search for me. That is all very interesting. Could it be that you sought me out? That is so cute.

This girl told me today that she graduated from Paul Mitchell four years ago and she works at super cuts and loves it. I don't get it. Why even go to school if you're going to get a job making minimum wage?

I was putting gel in this guy's hair and I had to reach up to do it as he is a lot taller than me. He said something about how I was creeking and at first I didn't know what he was talking about. I suddenly realized that my shoulders were popping when I would reach up. I started laughing like really hard! My shoulders pop so loud --it sounds like when people crack their knuckles but I'm not doing it on purpose. I don't even hear it anymore...how embarrassing! He walked by me later on and made a creeking noise. I'm the tin woman.

Double Rod Perms are the devil.

Wynn, Tracy, JP

Wynn, Tracy, JP
Originally uploaded by greentracylee.

Check me out...

This girl at school got a little tiny dog worth $1000 for Christmas. She brought it in for show and tell today. I was sitting in a chair in a corner, working on my worksheet, minding my own business, when she brought it in. She sat in the chair next to me and some of the girls came over and went absolutely crazy over this little dog. They were cooing at it like it was a baby. I didn't even look up from what I was doing and one of the girls noticed this and felt it necessary to point out. So I said that I wasn't an animal person. I looked at their faces and it was as if I had said I hated children and I wished that they would all die. So I kind of retracted and said I was allergic to 95 percent of them which is mostly true. I am trying to decide what is worse: people looking at you like you are a child hater or a bubble girl?

Oh readers, I'm so sorry that I haven't written in a whole week! My life is a circus and I haven't been very inspired until today...
SO I don't know what the deal is with the Christmas season. It's like work and school slow down to a comatose state. Really there is no point in anyone being there. At school they have ground into our heads that we absolutely must be to our 'theory' class on time. If we are thirty seconds late, they won't let us in and we won't get credit for it. I'm thinking, ok so theory must be a really important class and we must learn some really intense stuff in there. I've had about 4 or 5 hours of theory so far. Can you guess what these hours have consisted of? Taking role. Once we have gotten that far, we have been free to go and do whatever we want--except for one day we had to stay and watch the Grinch. I am trying to figure out if it's because it's comatose Christmas or if this is how theory is.
I had my first hair cut in school today and it was awesome. I seriously love doing this. Come in and let me cut your hair!

This lady from a mall salon came in to try and recruit us for when we are done with school. It would be like working at a high end supercuts. I have issues with this on so many levels but I won't get into it. So she wanted to demonstrate a crazy new hair cut on someone. As the volunteer sat in the chair, waiting for her to begin, we were forced to sit through her telling us all about the mistakes she has made on past haircuts. Meanwhile the volunteer began to look more and more like a deer caught in headlights. She had candy and was passing it out if we asked questions but no one was really asking anything. You want to to know why? No one wants to know anything more about working in a cheap place where you can't make any money!!! The haircut she ended up doing was super cute but it was just an a line bob. I was afraid because this was the crazy new hair cut she had to show us. What does she normally do? How was this at all inventive? We just learned how to do it during cutting week!

Ok so I'm not a playa, I just crush a lot...
I have a new crush. He looks like someone I had a mad crush on in the fifth grade. I ordered some books from one of those book club catalogs just so that I could get the complimentary magazine all about him (included poster for my wall). I would carry around the magazine all of the time. I kept it folded in half and stowed away in my back pocket of my jeans. I was so cool. Ok so anyway, we have guest speakers in school and I saw this guy walking around and I looked at him and he looked at me and neither of us looked away. I was thinking what are you doing here? I've never seen you before! He was probably thinking, why are you staring at me? Do we know each other? Either that or who is that girl? She is hot! just kidding, just kidding. I went into the classroom and he was up there talking away about who knows what. I was so distracted by his cute hair and the fact that a guy in the class pointed out that he had cute chops, then sheepishly added that he was blushing. Oh you gay boys are so silly when you hit on straight men. After staring at him for a while I suddenly realized how much he reminded me of the man in the magazine in my back pocket in fifth grade. He had the same hair color, same eyes, same facial features, and even same height! Michael J Fox! It's you! Your parkinson's disease is gone and you are divorced, do hair, and you're teaching at my school! This is truly amazing.

Today my sister came into the salon with me as a floor model for my final. I did fake tints, bleaches, weaves, perm, and blow dryed and curled her hair. It was fun to have her there because she kept an eye on the mentor. She said he was staring at me, watching me walk her to the shampoo bowl. Then he sat ever so strategically across from us and talked to this other girl but didn't seem to really be listening to what she was saying because he was watching me out of the corner of his eye. I am not exagerating on this--I swear! My sister is my witness! He even started to say something to me but was interrupted and then there wasn't another chance to talk. Things are happening! ha ha

We all gave each other pedicures on Friday. Naturally anytime your shoes and socks come off, the conversation magically turns into bathroom talk--no wait that's not when your shoes and socks come off, that's when my family sits down at the dinner table. So I can't explain why this came up. The topic was: which is worse? Would you rather have someone burp in your face or fart in your face? Majority rule was burp in your face but there were actually some that would rather have someone fart in their face. Someone on the burp side felt the need to point out just what a fart is: air coming out of your butthole. I would much rather have the vomit smell than the poo smell coming at me but that is just me. Where do you stand? You're not allowed to say neither....

I hope my eyebrows will recover....
I let a girl wax them for practice today. They didn't need much--just a little clean up. When I layed down in the chair and I felt the hot wax on my face I thought, huh that feels like it's in the wrong place. Sure enough when I looked in the mirror, my eyebrows had changed. What was funny is that they looked almost identical to the waxer(person waxing me). It's not that they look all that bad--just different and not like I would like them to be. Good thing I have bangs and that eyebrows grow back!

Oh my gosh why in the world do I have this stupid mentor crush??? It's so embarrassing: I blush so bad that I look like a tomato when I talk to him. It makes me avoid talking to him which is really not helping me here.
This girl was talking about some dude she met who worked in an emergency room. She said that he had a bunch of tattoos and earings which is something she is really attracted to. When she found out that he was a doctor, she said- and I quote, "I had to change my panties right then." What? Why? Why? Why? Stop torturing me with your vile attempts at being funny!

Today I met THE MAN--the one who started it all. He came in to our school today and we all took pictures with him. He was really very nice and fun and I actually had a thirty second conversation with him. He hasn't come to the school in five years so this was a rare opportunity to meet him. I will post a picture as soon as I can...